


The future haunts with memories that I will never have

by Queenofthebees



Series: Love song requiem [6]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 02:20:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16053404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthebees/pseuds/Queenofthebees
Summary: “She seems a bright child,” Catelyn commented, grinning at Lyra as the child giggled up at her.Sansa nodded, her hand reaching down to stroke through her daughter’s thin hair that was fast covering her head.Her mother was right, Lyra was clever. At only five moons she was pulling herself to sit up against Sansa’s leg and Sansa was certain from her babbles that she would be speaking far faster than she would have expected.“She is a comfort in this place,” Sansa murmured





	The future haunts with memories that I will never have

**Author's Note:**

> Okay there is implied rape in this one. If that's an issue, skip from "the door slammed" to the next ***

She loved her daughter, despite all her worries at not being able to do so for fear of her child being Aegon’s, she truly loved Lyra.

Her daughter had inherited the Tully look from her. There was nothing of Aegon in her, and, Sansa thought sadly, nothing of Jon either which made it impossible for her to know which one was the father.

She knew it was for the best. She could have fallen upon the Stark genes to explain a child with dark hair or if her eyes had been grey but it was a risk. Far risker than the child taking after her. Especially since she herself had taken after her own mother.

Aegon had merely shrugged when he met the girl, although, he did comment that she was pretty, which was more than Sansa had expected. She couldn’t help but think that if Jon were here, he would fuss over the child, and asking how she herself was doing.

She wished there was a way to write to him and tell him she had a daughter but he had left no contact details for anyone, claiming he did not intend to stay in one place for long.

Her mother had written back swiftly, telling her that everyone was happy to hear she had delivered a healthy, sweet girl. She had promised to come and visit in the next few moons so she could meet her granddaughter.

Sansa found herself scratching off each day that passed, wanting nothing more than to have her mother’s arms around her, to be able to cry about her husband’s lack of respect for her and to finally have someone who cared. For nobody in court cared at all.

Rhaegar had commented that Aegon should be more discreet but had not outright chastised him for cheating on Sansa and thus, humiliating her. The most Sansa got was pitying looks whenever she sat at the dais and her husband was not beside her.

She had been surprised then, when she had put Lyra to bed one night and Aegon appeared in her doorway. Dread filled her instantly, making her step back and clutch her robe protectively.

Aegon either didn’t notice or, more likely Sansa thought despairingly, he didn’t care as he strode towards her.

Later, as shame leaked from her she wondered why she hadn’t followed Jon across the Narrow Sea anyway.

***

“She seems a bright child,” Catelyn commented, grinning at Lyra as the child giggled up at her.

Sansa nodded, her hand reaching down to stroke through her daughter’s thin hair that was fast covering her head.

Her mother was right, Lyra was clever. At only five moons she was pulling herself to sit up against Sansa’s leg and Sansa was certain from her babbles that she would be speaking far faster than she would have expected.

“She is a comfort in this place,” Sansa murmured.

“Oh, my darling,” Catelyn sighed, wrapping her arms around her and kissing her head. “I am so sorry about all of this. Your father hates himself and Robb is so angry all the time.”

“It isn’t their fault,” Sansa replied, reaching for her mother’s hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Rhaegar made his demand, we had no choice but to obey.”

Her thoughts drifted to Jon once more, wondering where he was now, what he was doing and, she thought with a hard swallow, if he had found a pretty woman to keep his bed warm.

He had promised he wouldn’t forget her. But she doubted that he would go his whole life without another woman in his life. And, as much as it pained her to think about it, to hate the fact that it was the future that _they_ should have had together, she didn’t want him to go through his whole life alone.

Lyra giggled again, looking to Sansa for validation.

And for a brief moment, Sansa thought her daughter’s eyes had a hint of grey in them.

***

"And this," Sansa murmured, placing her chin against Lyra's head as she pointed to the parchment displaying the Targaryen family tree. "This is uncle Jon."

Lyra's hand stretched out, fingers tracing Jon's name. Sansa hid her sad smile in her daughter's hair again.

"He would have loved you," she whispered. Whether his or not, she knew that Jon would have doted on Lyra.

Sometimes, she forgot how long it had been since Jon had left. Lyra was almost eight moons and her babbles were slowly becoming words. She had already said mamma seveal times as well as kit whenever she saw the stray cat wandering the gardens.

And she loved when her daughter said "night" as she was laid in her bed. Her hands would clutch at Sansa's as she settled, her spare thumb in her mouth.

And every time, Sansa would think about Jon and how he would probably be just as fascinated with the sight.

The door slammed suddenly, making Sansa jump and Lyra gave a startled cry.

Immediately, Sansa tensed as Aegon glared at her, advancing with frightening intent. 

She shouldn't have been surprised that he was here. He had taken his rights almost every night, apart from when her moon blood had arrived.

On one hand, she had been thankful she hadn't conceived again. She never wanted his children. But the longer she went without giving him another child, the more she had to endure him taking her.

"You've been taking moon tea," Aegon growled.

"I've not!" she replied honestly.

The thought had crossed her mind in truth. But she had known it was too risky, for both her and whoever helped her.

"I don't believe you!" he snarled, grabbing her arm and throwing her onto the bed as Lyra wailed from her bed. "It's about time you gave me a son!"

Moments later she wasn't sure whether the screaming and crying was coming from her daughter or herself.

***

She had been locked in her rooms ever since that night. She wasn't even allowed to see Lyra which only made her confinement worse as she worried how her daughter was being treated by Aegon and the court.

She wondered if Aegon was going to kill her. If he truly believed she was taking moon tea, betraying her husband and prince, he could execute her for treason.

But as the days dragged on, separated only by the torturous nights, she started to wonder if death was so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> One more piece!


End file.
